Friday, March 23, 2012
I know I have not been current with this and I apologize. I really should because I went back and re-read the blogs and it was nice memories of all we have been through.
The last I left off was last year when i was doing acupuncture and the chiropractor and having very regular cycles. Well I ended up spontaneously pregnant that cycle after my last blog. OMG it was so easy too. Unfortunately ended in a miscarriage as well. Never even really progressed that far. Most people not even being so on top of their cycles may have not even realized they were pregnant. I had what was referred to on paper as a "chemical pregnancy" and basically my numbers never rose high enough to be seen on ultrasound. I ended up bleeding spontaneously.
That whole week watching my levels rise slowly I held on to hope that this was my time. IT made so much sense. I was going to be due right before my dad's birthday in october (he has passed on but we have a huge huge huge emotional/spiritual connection) and there was a psychic i saw back in july 2010 that had told me i would be pregnant in 7 months. I truly truly believed this was a gift of God and that it was finally it. I think that loosing this one was harder than the other two because I truly felt this to be a gift.
In retrospect it was a gift. because it led me down my next path to answers and well being and health. And I believe my answer to WHY i cannot sustain a pregnancy.
After this I really just wanted to stop trying. Focus on our new house. And we got a puppy. I just wanted to STOP trying. get my body healthy.
So because of this chemical pregnancy my chiropractor did EVERYTHING in his power that he could do to help me save this pregnancy. He referred me to another chiropractor. but this chiropractor does something unique. something most people would not believe unless they tried it themselves.
He does something called nutrition response testing (google it) it in a nutshell is based off the autonomic nervous system. you control your test. he just has you push up against his resistance. each organ has a pressure point on the body and if that organ is stressed or ill in anyway you physically can not hold up your arm to his resistance. then after he finds the organs of focus he will use different vials with specific causes of the stress on the organ (i.e chemicals, illness, parasites etc) then he has a whole cabinet of supplements to help the body get healthy. In conjunction with this he also monitors your diet and helps you get healthy. STILL in the process of giving up sugar because of this (THAT IS SO HARD).
But his findings were astounding and to be perfectly honest make perfect sense. I was found in my first visit to only have response at my ovaries (perfect sense i have PCOS) and the only thing that i responded to was mercury. I was dumbfounded. mercury??? I don't even LIKE to eat fish. where would this come from? he said the environment, metal fillings in your teeth etc. hmmm. he also said this was a long time coming and its been going on for years and nothing I DID. Also at this time i found out MY LAST OF 4 metal fillings is rotting and decaying in my mouth. I have throughout the years gotten them all taken out for this reason. So i have spent the last year detoxing this mercury out of my system. it is FINALLY gone!
So, i did some research and indeed high mercury can cause chromosomal abnormalities in a growing fetus. WHY NOT MISCARRY when your body is TOXIC. would you want to grow in a toxic environment??
I could potentially get pregnant again on my own = success, I could do another IUI = success. But after much thought I thought why not now do the IVF, let them see my eggs see these embryos growing and pick the best of best. If it is the mercury, i know i can be pregnant, we've picked best of best = success. Easy right?? NO
my insurance SUCKS. financially since fixing up the house. we don't have a lot of extra money..so i took out through the flex spending at work $5000. But found out when we started the process, we would need another $3,000. Well now I am working on saving up as much money as I can before December. I am working on holding a dem with a whole array of vendors and having people make purchases for themselves and I get back a part of the profits.
Then hopefully with the combined profits and what we can save, we can go for the IVF later this year. Everything still on paper shows I can have a baby and everything is "normal". So we shall see.
The house is good. My health is good. My husband is the best. My heart is hurting. Our beloved puppy who we treated like the child we have not had passed away tragically on Valentines Day. WHY CAN'T WE CATCH A BREAK. I don't understand, and probably never will understand why he had to get taken so young. He was such an amazing dog. He was the true definition of man's best friend. I don't like dogs! But I fell 100% in love with him and he took a part of my heart with him. I miss every day and everyday there are so many things that remind me of him. We did not have him that long but the time we had was so precious. He will never be forgotten. I miss him so much.
I am only hoping God took him to make room for bigger and better things.
Like Dory in Finding Nemo "just keep swimming, swimming, swimming" that is what I shall do..........
Rest in Peach "Poppa Bear" Barney Stinson Rubble 4/3/11-2/14/12 You will forever be missed <3