Wednesday, February 17, 2010


It looks like were on another break. I got my period and went in for day 3 bw and u/s and the follicles are stilll HUGE. so there is no way to proceed this month. I got put back on birth control. So we try again next cycle. I am being optomistic. THe last time this happened we got pregnant the cycle after coming off the birth control. Fingers are crossed.

Wednesday, February 10, 2010

no luck

My estrogen jumped again and my ovaries are completely blown up. been cut off and will have to try again next cycle. likely will have to wait 2 periods since they may still be blown out by the time i get my next period. so annnoying

Tuesday, February 2, 2010

rollercoaster of fertility

Well. I was told I could have one more day. So in this morning and the ultrasound did not looks SO bad. But my estrogen level came back (yesterday the level was 700ish) and today was 1700!! woahhhh way to many eggs. options were cancel this month OR wait without meds until thursday morning and redo bloodwork/ultrasound and see if things calm down. this can still be a successful month. just gotta wait and see what thursday brings. if not. next month. my ovaries feel like they are going to explode though thats for sure. anyways was on the lull part of my rollercoaster ride of fertility and tried to find some inspirational quotes. not sure who wrote them BUT they were very helpful:

What do I think God meant when he gave me infertility?”

Couples experiencing infertility often receive well-meaning but extremely insensitive "advice." We can all list the most popular ones: "Just relax and you'll get pregnant," or "adopt and you'll get pregnant," or "things happen for a reason", of the most painful from those who think they've got the goods on God's plan, "Maybe God never meant for you to have children." The sheer audacity of making a statement like that never fails to amaze me.
"These same people would never walk up to someone seeking treatment for cancer and say, "Maybe God never meant for you to live." However, because I am infertile, I'm supposed to get on with my life. It's hard to understand that people can not see infertility for what it is, a disease for which I have to seek treatment. What if Jonas Salk had said to the parents of polio victims, "Maybe God meant for thousands of our children to be cripples, live in an iron lung or die." What if he'd never tried to find a cure? Who could think for one minute that that was God's plan?
"What do I think God meant when he gave me infertility?
"I think he meant for my husband and I to grow closer, become stronger, love deeper. I think God meant for us to find the fortitude within ourselves to get up every time infertility knocks us down. I think God meant for our medical community to discover medicines, invent medical equipment, create procedures and protocols. I think God meant for us to find a cure for infertility.
"No, God never meant for me not to have children. That's not my destiny; that's just a fork in the road I'm on. I've been placed on the road less traveled, and, like it or not, I'm a better person for it. Clearly, God meant for me to develop more compassion, deeper courage, and greater inner strength on this journey to resolution, and I haven't let him down.
"Frankly, if the truth be known, I think God has singled me out for a special treatment. I think God meant for me to build a thirst for a child so strong and so deep that when that baby is finally placed in my arms, it will be the longest, coolest, most refreshing drink I've ever known.
"While I would never choose infertility, I can not deny that a fertile woman could never know the joy that awaits me. Yes, one way or another, I will have a baby of my own. And the next time someone wants to offer me unsolicited advice I'll say, "Don't tell me what God meant when he handed me infertility. I already know."

I will share the other one too:

With every tear that falls, there is a lost heart that calls.
it calls to say I'm here, don't dispair, I will come to you
when the time is right, when you least expect me and through
the quiet night open your heart to me, accept me, I will be there
in the end.
Your wait may be long, you may get frustrated by the whole
ordeal. In the end I will be real. While others around you are
succeeding your heart goes on bleeding.
I would thank you for being patient, I would thank you for
being the kind of person who shows persistance. If it were not
for this, I may never get the chance to have an existence.
In the chaos of your day, the calm of your night, let your heart
soar and take flight.
For so many tears, for so many years. You have been trying,
thinking of giving up but never doing it. In the end you just keep
on going in the hopes that I will come to you, the one who deserves
me, the one who can love me as no other can. You will be that
mother that you always wanted to be. Just you keep waiting for me.

Monday, February 1, 2010


Looks like i am 90% sure I am done with this month. unfortunately my ovaries have been overstimulated YET AGAIN and they physically cannot proceed with an IUI this month. we can always vouch for a round of IVF. problem is my insurance SUCKS and i won't be able to get any other form of treatment ever again. Well once again. we wait. leaving this out of my control. well i worked the last 3 night and am becoming delusional. i will keep posted about the options/plan.