Ughh

Despite their conservative efforts I was overstimulated again. On barely any medication. Therefore they think I will be a perfect IVF canadate because they know I will produce a lot of eggs. They understand it's a money issue/insurance issue. I basically after 1 ivf cycle will have paid a good 5000$ if not more outta my pocket and then have nothing left for fertility insurance. I'm only 25 and knowing it's gone is frightening. So we have a follow up on April 8th. Gonna wait to try again until we get backfrom our cruise at the end of April. Which we would have to wait any way to let my ovaries rest. Complete fustration. Heartwrenching. Ugh

=)

So just as I have suspected. My lining was thin as paper and my bloodwork was within normal limits. I started stimulation last night! woohoo. were making progress. this is a good month. if we do get pregnant GREAT. if we don't no worries. then i can drink wine on our cruise to europe. life is good.

gahhhhhh

Why can we not catch a break? Seriously? I started bleeding before my pack of pills were up. Nothing heavy but it lasted until the pill pack ended (4 days). I notified the team. they said continue with the pack and my period should still come. I know my body and knew it wouldn't and it didn't. I asked if I could/should just go for the baseline blood work/ultrasound just in case. They kept insisting my period was coming. At this point my discharge had stopped and nothing was going on. I know it, it is my body. So finally I got through to them and they will see me tomorrow morning for an ultrasound to check my lining. if it is thin I will get my blood drawn. if all pans out I will still proceed with stimulation. UM hello that's what I have been trying to do. If I do not end up getting stimulated this go around I will be on hold until we get back from our cruise at the end of April. (this is my own personal decision). So we will see.

I am finding each day different. some days I am so discouraged and bummed and others I am fine and positive and looking to the future and KNOW my time will come. Its just hard seeing others around me getting it and I am still waiting. And the fact that I had it and lost it is even harder for me to accept. Life is not fair.

BUT I need to realize how much I am blessed with. A loving and wonderful husband. The most supportive friends/family who love me beyond belief. I have a great secure job. A roof over my head. A beautiful life full of things people dream of. I will someday get the completion I am looking for. God made me, he knows my thoughts. He's got a bigger plan for me than I could ever dream. And unfortunately I need to be patient which I am NOT.

interesting??

So my birth control pack ends next week. so once i get my period I go in for day 3 baseline bloodwork/ultrasound. we went to the re and decided on a new approach so hopefully I will not overstimulate this time.

soo the last time i got pregnant i had two relatives have dreams i was pregnant. well last week a good friend of mine told me she had a dream i had a baby girl, who was beautiful looked like suri cruise and we named her jordan (this is the 3rd dream someone had that i had a girl). Then last night my stepfather had a dream that my mom told him i was pregnant.

sooooo hopefully those are good signs right!?!