Wednesday, March 17, 2010

gahhhhhh

Why can we not catch a break? Seriously? I started bleeding before my pack of pills were up. Nothing heavy but it lasted until the pill pack ended (4 days). I notified the team. they said continue with the pack and my period should still come. I know my body and knew it wouldn't and it didn't. I asked if I could/should just go for the baseline blood work/ultrasound just in case. They kept insisting my period was coming. At this point my discharge had stopped and nothing was going on. I know it, it is my body. So finally I got through to them and they will see me tomorrow morning for an ultrasound to check my lining. if it is thin I will get my blood drawn. if all pans out I will still proceed with stimulation. UM hello that's what I have been trying to do. If I do not end up getting stimulated this go around I will be on hold until we get back from our cruise at the end of April. (this is my own personal decision). So we will see.

I am finding each day different. some days I am so discouraged and bummed and others I am fine and positive and looking to the future and KNOW my time will come. Its just hard seeing others around me getting it and I am still waiting. And the fact that I had it and lost it is even harder for me to accept. Life is not fair.

BUT I need to realize how much I am blessed with. A loving and wonderful husband. The most supportive friends/family who love me beyond belief. I have a great secure job. A roof over my head. A beautiful life full of things people dream of. I will someday get the completion I am looking for. God made me, he knows my thoughts. He's got a bigger plan for me than I could ever dream. And unfortunately I need to be patient which I am NOT.

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